Any one that is familiar with the life of an actor knows that there is a great amount of rejection and disappointment that comes along with the many auditions and countless hours of waiting. Not to mention the agonizing wonderings of what you could have done better in the audition room. If only the accompanist kept good time. If only I chose the comedic monologue instead of the dramatic monologue. If only I wore the blue shirt instead of the red. In the moments to days after an audition our heads fill with a hundred thoughts about about a moment that last no longer than 3 minutes.
I have often been told by instructors, agents, and fellow actors to "leave it in the room." At the point of leaving the audition room, no amount of "what ifs" can change what happened in that space at that time. As I have moved forward in my career, I have come to accept this. However, there is one aspect of the post-audition experience that seems to be an insurmountable obstacle for me. Last week, I had an audition that I was very excited about. I had just over 24 hours to prepare and familiarize myself with 3 sides, and 2 songs of my own choosing. I don't think I ever felt more prepared for an audition. Coincidently, that week I began to study about building and strengthening one's prayer life. Using what I learned in my studies, I decided to pray a very specific prayer for this audition. My prayer was that God would fill me with his power so that I would be filled with the confidence to walk in my purpose. I did the audition, putting everything on the table. I came out exhausted, but satisfied that I did as much as I could to get the job. It's only been 4 days, counting the weekend, and I can't help but check my email every hour, on the hour.
Why is it so hard to leave our worries, troubles, and even our desires in the hands of the Lord? I tend to think that my faith in God is stronger than most believers. I am the ideal optimist, especially when it comes to my craft. When I know I have put out a good product, I expect a favorable result, even though experience has taught me that your deeds don't have anything to do with receiving what you want. However, in this faith and knowing that God will do what He said He would do, I can't help but constantly seek the blessing that He has for me rather than just wait for it to come in its own time. I've heard it described as want over desire. Desire is our driving force. Desire is why we audition, why we take classes to work on our craft, why we keep pushing. Want is the now. It is the instantaneous fulfillment of our deeper desire.
I must remember that God wants to bless us. God provides for our needs. He doesn't simply want to give us our wants, but He wants to fulfill our greatest desires. Sometimes, such blessings are not instantaneous. We must remember to not only have faith that we can conquer difficulties with God, but we must also have faith that God has plans for us that are bigger than are wants. He plans to surpass our desires. As actors, we must learn to not only "leave it in the room," but leave it also in the hands of The Almighty. I am so glad that the casting directors only have the final say in regards to a production. They have no say in our desires as artist.